How to tell if it is love… or lust

You can’t wait to get cosy the moment you see her.

His luscious lips are the first thing that come to mind when you shut your eyes.

Her perfume lingers in your mind long after the date is over.

There’s nothing wrong with having the hots for the person you’re dating (there’d be something wrong if you didn’t!). However, there are major differences between commitment and passion. Knowing the difference between the two will predict if you both are together for the long haul.

There are degrees of closeness in modern-day relationships. While some are in it just for getting naked together, some others like the physical intimacy that ends up being short-lived and leaves them broken. If you can’t keep your hands off each other, it doesn’t necessarily mean you are in love. Here’s how to know where you stand in your current relationship status.

You’re together despite bad sex

Friends think you make a lovey dovey couple; juxtapose that with the alone time. Once the clothes are off, there’s no sexual chemistry. You don’t like his/her performance in bed yet want to continue dating for a number of reasons (emotional, intellectual, social). Love transcends physical barriers and can exist in these situations too.

Verdict: It has to be love. The longer you are together, the more sure you can be about this fact.

You feel centred

Being around your date gives you a sense of belonging. You care about each other’s health, careers and families. As you are getting to know each other, you notice more layers developing which in turn leads to greater comfort in each other’s presence.

Verdict: You’re in love!

Your conversations are long and interesting


Do you discuss your dreams and desires with each other? According to relationship expert Dr Shyam Mithiya, more sensible communication means there is love in the rapport. “If you have meaningful conversations with each other all the time, your relationship has moved beyond the physical.

Verdict: To find out how deep your partner is in this, talk about each other’s families and future plans.

You’re doing “coupley activities”

If you are moving in to an apartment or coming up with baby names, there’s no doubt that this is love. These are big decisions laced with stress which can kill libido. If you manage to stay together despite the odds they bring, you have made it for the long term,” says relationship specialist Dr Seema Hingorany.

Verdict: Rather than focussing on individual needs, doing things together (and for each other) means it’s an enduring tie.

It’s lust if:

  1. You avoid socialising with each other’s circle of friends
  2. You can’t remember the last time you held hands and took a long walk
  3. Phone conversations are short and crisp
  4. You never discuss family
  5. Mush bores you

Looking for something more than lust? It’s time to re-evaluate and take a stand.

By Kasmin Fernandes

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